I am a kind of person that people might call lazy. What they seldom see, is that there is a complex mechanism of prioritizing underneath. That mostly serves to convince me that I'm not lazy. So I've decided to diagnose myself as suffering from what I've coined as "Postponement Disorder".
So lets get to the symptoms. The primary symptom obviously is the tendency to postpone current tasks into the future, for various reasons which may vary. But they can usually be categorized under the umbrella reason of "I didn't feel like doing it". But the underlying causes usually reflect your current level of frustration with life, work etc. What most people don't realize is that hard working people who are lazy otherwise are so because their work-life balance is off. Well sure, you might also hate your work, your life, or even your wife, but then you'll have a clearer idea about it. So, back to that elusive work-life balance. We all know about the hallowed thing, how we're supposed to maintain it, and how companies spend millions on trying to motivate their workers to do so as well. But we all know times come when we have to screw that balance for a certain duration cause of the work load. In fact, for real success, you have to screw it most of the time. This is especially pertinent in a grad school situation, cause work load is pretty intense, in addition to the fact that you really never leave work. That's the other problem. Jobs are nice in the sense that there is a demarcation between work and home. Grad school, is mostly treated as school, and not the work it actually is. Which means we work odd hours and all hours of the day and night. Especially close to deadlines and when our advisors lean on us, we keep everything else on the back burner and just work. And this everything else isn't just having fun, it's family, relationships, and even our health. I'm probably guilty of doing all three. But by the end of it, I've realized the folly of that approach. Sure, a lot of people know that secret beforehand, to them I say, lucky bastards, you've probably worked a few years. The ones that don't, I really can't say anything to convince them. This is a fact you either take or leave, it's hard to explain or justify, cause understanding it requires a having gone through the amount of pain and trauma you experience from the above. Which means it's a matter of faith, and that's where it gets hairy. Cause there is a certain threshold of that very pain beyond which you really can't work, something like a breakdown stage. If you're good, you can still maintain a work throughput which a lot of people can't achieve at full trot, so most people won't even notice it. If you're not, it'll be pretty evident to everyone, and they'll tell you, or fire you if they're your boss. And funnily enough, to most people it'll simply look like you're lazy and aren't putting in enough effort. A lot of said people will also tell you to suck it up and just work.
Which brings to the next part, except there really isn't one. If I had a quick fix to this problem, I'd use it and not write this whiny post :) If you do, tell me, I can use it!. Though I must say I'm starting to learn this balance a little better everyday, which gives me hope that I can recover from it minus expensive therapy :P All I will say to those who might also be going through the same is this. Live your life too, PhD's and other things take about the same time whether you kill yourself or not. Well, maybe not, but the rule applies for most things. More importantly, don't keep postponing everything else in your life, cause like willpower, you'll realize you have a limited postponement power, ergo use it wisely, or at least avoid using it as much as possible.
I see now that this post has absolutely zero structure and it didn't end anything like the beginning might have implied. So I'll end by saying this. I think this work life balance thingy sounds important. So I'll get right to it after my PhD defense!
So lets get to the symptoms. The primary symptom obviously is the tendency to postpone current tasks into the future, for various reasons which may vary. But they can usually be categorized under the umbrella reason of "I didn't feel like doing it". But the underlying causes usually reflect your current level of frustration with life, work etc. What most people don't realize is that hard working people who are lazy otherwise are so because their work-life balance is off. Well sure, you might also hate your work, your life, or even your wife, but then you'll have a clearer idea about it. So, back to that elusive work-life balance. We all know about the hallowed thing, how we're supposed to maintain it, and how companies spend millions on trying to motivate their workers to do so as well. But we all know times come when we have to screw that balance for a certain duration cause of the work load. In fact, for real success, you have to screw it most of the time. This is especially pertinent in a grad school situation, cause work load is pretty intense, in addition to the fact that you really never leave work. That's the other problem. Jobs are nice in the sense that there is a demarcation between work and home. Grad school, is mostly treated as school, and not the work it actually is. Which means we work odd hours and all hours of the day and night. Especially close to deadlines and when our advisors lean on us, we keep everything else on the back burner and just work. And this everything else isn't just having fun, it's family, relationships, and even our health. I'm probably guilty of doing all three. But by the end of it, I've realized the folly of that approach. Sure, a lot of people know that secret beforehand, to them I say, lucky bastards, you've probably worked a few years. The ones that don't, I really can't say anything to convince them. This is a fact you either take or leave, it's hard to explain or justify, cause understanding it requires a having gone through the amount of pain and trauma you experience from the above. Which means it's a matter of faith, and that's where it gets hairy. Cause there is a certain threshold of that very pain beyond which you really can't work, something like a breakdown stage. If you're good, you can still maintain a work throughput which a lot of people can't achieve at full trot, so most people won't even notice it. If you're not, it'll be pretty evident to everyone, and they'll tell you, or fire you if they're your boss. And funnily enough, to most people it'll simply look like you're lazy and aren't putting in enough effort. A lot of said people will also tell you to suck it up and just work.
Which brings to the next part, except there really isn't one. If I had a quick fix to this problem, I'd use it and not write this whiny post :) If you do, tell me, I can use it!. Though I must say I'm starting to learn this balance a little better everyday, which gives me hope that I can recover from it minus expensive therapy :P All I will say to those who might also be going through the same is this. Live your life too, PhD's and other things take about the same time whether you kill yourself or not. Well, maybe not, but the rule applies for most things. More importantly, don't keep postponing everything else in your life, cause like willpower, you'll realize you have a limited postponement power, ergo use it wisely, or at least avoid using it as much as possible.
I see now that this post has absolutely zero structure and it didn't end anything like the beginning might have implied. So I'll end by saying this. I think this work life balance thingy sounds important. So I'll get right to it after my PhD defense!
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